It was Lent – a time previously marked by severe and detailed laws of fasting in the Church. Eugene, with his spirit of oblation, wanted to be generous in everything. He wanted to be faithful in his observance, however, he was in the middle of preaching his third long and exhausting parish mission within a matter of months. His fasting was taking a toll on his strength and so he wrote to Hippolyte Courtès in Aix to ask him to consult Eugene’s doctor.
This letter shows Eugene wanting to be faithful to the laws of the Church while, at the same time attempting to be realistic. On the other hand I include it because it gives a fascinating picture of his lifestyle and diet while on mission.
I reproach myself every day for having forgotten to take a precaution which would have kept my conscience tranquil on the subject of fasting from which I am abstaining during this mission. I have acted by reason and with the authorisation of my confessor while presuming the assent of the doctor; but I tell myself each day that it would have been more in order to provide myself with a formal decision of the doctor.
Ask him therefore on my behalf if he judges that after having done the missions of Cháteau Gombert and especially of Brignoles which left me a little fatigued, and having to preach at Saint Chamas twice almost every day with some vehemence, and with only four hours’ sleep, I can eat in the evening a soup of rice or semolino with milk of almonds and an orange? If he thinks the soup will suffice, I will do without the orange that I have been inclined to take under the impression that it refreshes my blood which sometimes becomes overheated. Besides, anything else would turn my stomach on top of the soup which I always take with repugnance because of the taste In the morning I take only two or three spoonfuls of warm sweetened water before going into the pulpit. In the evening, as the instruction is longer and more spirited, I take a little warm wine with the sugar, because I find that this drink, which is a rude penance for me, strengthens notably my chest and my voice.
On Saturday, I fast according to the rule, because I do not preach in the evening and because on the following day I take a cup of chocolate after my Mass.
Letter to Hippolyte Courtès, 31 March 1821, EO VI n. 65
“Prayer is reaching out after the unseen; fasting is letting go of all that is seen and temporal. Fasting helps express, deepen, confirm the resolution that we are ready to sacrifice anything, even ourselves to attain what we seek for the kingdom of God.” Andrew Murray
Interesting – my reaction to the word fasting – even in the title by first reaction was one of slight dread and a dream of walking away from both the words fasting and obligation. I have always hated fasting and balked at it. Over the years I found myself making excuses like “I gave up drinking so that’s enough” when in truth I actually quit drinking because alcohol was killing me. In conversations with God and myself – that were in truth mostly with myself, I would remind myself how I was gradually moving towards a more simplistic life style and not buying a lot of ‘things’ so at least I was headed there and didn’t really need to bother about fasting. So really I didn’t need to give up food – that was for the saints and the holy people, for the religious and clergy – but God would never ask that of me. I remember one year at Madonna House being sick and so told not to fast during Lent and I took that on and carried it with me for many years. More recently I would say that fasting was not good for a person of my age, but for the most part I simply ignored the subject all together. I have managed to ignore and evade any idea of fasting for a long time. Andrew Murray says “Fasting helps express, deepen, confirm the resolution that we are ready to sacrifice anything…” – even as I read this my mind rebels against it saying ‘no way’. I find it ‘interesting’ to look and see the barriers I am very quick and good at erecting.
I look at what Eugene existed on and am embarrased and am unable this morning to push it away from my mind. I do not know how he was able to manage on so little specially in the very nature of his work, the missions. I have the feeling that he was already giving so much of himself. Eugene’s self discipline was incredible, as is I suspect, the self discipline of many others then and now.
How much is enough? How much do I try to pack in to fill myself? Am I eating to fill an emptiness or for nourishment? Am I eating to replenish my body for another day of doing what must be done or eating because I am bored? I guess I need to look at this today – not with the intention of actually fasting from food today, but perhaps I am being called to look at fasting from something in my life. What am I using to fill me?