Continuing his reflections on death and on the attachments which would prevent him from being “all for God” in the face of death, he reflects on his relationships. His conclusion touches on what was to be a part of his way of being throughout his life: his need for close friendship.
From his experience of the importance of friendship, it is easy to appreciate why his relationship with Jesus was often understood in terms of friendship. Very much a man of his time, he also reflects the widespread 19th century ecclesial attitude to the role of women and the “dangers” they could pose to a priestly vocation!!!
After a careful self-examination I do not seem to discover in myself these kinds of attachments. However, I think I must keep an eye on my over-loving, over-tender, over-affectionate, over-sensitive heart, not that it is at all set on illicit objects, I keep if anything too much distance from persons of the opposite sex to make major reflections necessary on my strictly indispensable, cool and serious relations with them; but it is my friends I love too much, it is to friendship, tenderness to which I attach, it seems to me, too much value.
Retreat Journal, December 1814, O.W. XV n.130
Eugene writes, “I think I must keep an eye on my over-loving, over-tender, over-affectionate, over-sensitive heart” and then he speaks of “keeping distance” and his need for friendship. I see myself and my brother Oblates with hearts like Eugene, “love-tender-affectionate-sensitive” yet like Eugene we keep our distance of often don’t share that with each other. And yet our longing for friendships / real co-union remains. Let’s not live in the “shadow” of Eugene but in the light and freedom of Christ.