The last step before his ordination to the priesthood was ordination as a deacon. In his time of prayer before receiving diaconate, mindful of his unworthiness, he invited Mary to accompany him and intercede for him.
As far as possible, I will not let a single day go by without reminding myself that with every day I am getting nearer to the priesthood; and, recognizing that I am totally unready to receive this sublime order worthily, I will humble myself profoundly before God, confessing my guilt for not having responded to the advances that his infinite goodness had in all truth desired in my regard, and begging him who has always covered me with his shadow, in his great mercy to forget my infidelities, to strengthen and confirm my resolutions, and to pour out anew on me in even more abundance, if it be possible, his grace and blessings, and not to let me misuse them as in the past.
Lastly, I will beg the Blessed Virgin Mary to take me under her protection and to intercede on my behalf.
Retreat in preparation for his ordination to the diaconate, May 1811. EO XIV n 85
“This was also the experience of the Virgin Mary. At the message of the angel, she does not hide her surprise. It is the astonishment of realising that God, to become man, had chosen her, a simple maid of Nazareth: not someone who lived in a palace amid power and riches, or who had done extraordinary things, but simply someone who was open to God and put her trust in him, even without understanding everything: … God always surprises us, he overturns our categories, he wreaks havoc with our plans. And he tells us: Trust me, do not be afraid, let yourself be surprised, leave yourself behind and follow me!” Pope Francis
“…him who has always covered me with his shadow…” The image that comes to mind with these nine words. In 1988 or 89 there was a show called The Bear, the story of a young cub orphaned and alone, At one point in the story the cub is confronted by a predator and he stands on his hind legs and tries to growl, with the only sound coming out being more of a squeak than a growl and the cat is shown backing off and running away, then slowly the camera returns to the young cub, and as the view widens you see directly behind him, a full grown bear, standing on his hind legs and the the growl that the mature bear is making is more like a roar that covers the entire mountain side.
I picture Eugene standing. In the chapel of the General House in Rome there is an incredible statue of Eugene, standing tall with one arm raised, holding out the cross. The statue, in my eyes, depicts Eugene perfectly for it seems to capture his being alive, moving forward, never resting on his laurels, not cowering in any way, not sitting back in fear or tiredness, but pressing forward – covered in the shadow of Him who is his God. Powerful!
As I began this today I thought of how I put myself into God’s embrace, allow myself to be enveloped, be protected and cossetted, safe, warm, loved…. So safe, so comfortable, so good just to be loved – but not enough, there is a ‘not enough’ in there. Do I dare to stand up, to move forward? With Mary to protect me, St. Eugene to pray for me, and ever covered in the shadow of he who whispers ‘Beloved’. Do I dare to let go of myself, leave myself behind to follow Him?