SHOULD NOT MY CHILDREN SHOW ME THAT I MAY ACT TOWARD THEM WITH MORE LIBERTY AND LESS PRECAUTION
In handling the case of the difficult Father Carles, Eugene explains his way of dealing with his Oblates.
You know well that I am greatly attached to him. I had certainly given him ample proof of my confidence by sending him to a major seminary such as Ajaccio. He simply did not understand the attitude to be taken in such a delicate situation. Is it negligence, lack of judgment, a lack of virtue? I really don’t know. All that I wish is that he give some proof of the contrary in the community to which he belongs and which lives in such a good spirit, with little pretension, much simplicity, obedience and zeal.
I am fearful of telling him all these things in writing because I know him to be sensitive and touchy. If I had occasion to speak with him I would not have hesitated to speak with him frankly; but you know that in verbal communication it would have been easy for me to remain within the bounds of any reaction — I suppose the truth would be a shock to him, while in written communication it is rather difficult to modify one’s expression and explain one’s thoughts sufficiently in a manner that will make it completely understood that one is speaking only for the good of the individual and for his greater usefulness in the service that is expected of him.
I realize that a superior, and especially a father like myself, should not be reduced to such maneuvers and wariness; but should not my children show me that I may act toward them with more liberty and less precaution?
Letter to Father Etienne Semeria, 15 December 1843, EO X n 826
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Once again I find myself having to let go of and move past whatever the deed or attitude was that caused such pain and struggle for Eugene and Father Semeria, and so then to the community itself. There can be a price to be paid for loving another(s) so greatly and Eugene who was a man with a heart as big as the world had accepted that cross. I think of Jesus asking, “Can you drink the cup that I am going to drink?” (Mt 20:21) Eugene had certainly responded with his life to that question.
Eugene seemed to recognize was how a letter could easily be misunderstood and how much better it was to hear some words and responses in person. Eugene was not in a position to travel to Ajaccio, (a trip that today would be an eleven hour ferry ride) and so the only way to respond was by asking Fr. Semeria to pass on Eugene’s words.
I remember some years ago when a friend was going through a tough time and whose superior had written a long and difficult letter in response to the letter of my friend. And who upon receiving the response from the superior showed me the letter with a statement expressing that the letter was filled with judgement and condemnation and worse that it proved that my friend was not loved. I read the letter which may well have been one of the most beautiful and loving letters any person might well receive. My friend’s struggle and pain was so great that there was no possibility of recognizing the love and caring that the superior’s letter was trying to convey.
Eugene speaks about Fr. Carles as being one of his children whom he loves but who like my friend was unable to understand and see the love being held out to him.