Eugene continues his 1839 reflections on his vocation. Having spoken about the motto and coat of arms he had sketched at the seminary, with the Cross and crown of thorns above the overturned insignia of power and status, he proceeds:
… There you have the true expression of the secret of my vocation. I thus responded to the Bishop of Metz that my whole ambition was to consecrate myself to the service of the poor and of the youth. I thus started out in the prisons, and my first apprenticeship consisted of gathering around me young boys whom I instructed. I formed a large number in virtue. I saw up to 280 grouped around me, and those who today still remain faithful to the principles that I had the happiness of instilling in their souls and who do honour to their faith in every rank of society or in the sanctuary, will uphold for a long time, either in Aix or in the other places where they are dispersed, the reputation that this congregation had rightly acquired for itself while I was able to care for it.
Well, this twofold ministry contributed to keeping me faithful to my ideals. Among these poor prisoners whom I helped spiritually and materially, and among these youth who looked on me as their father, I only came across souls full of recognition, hearts full of affection that responded perfectly to the tender charity that I felt for them. They loved me to the point that some mothers declared that they would have been jealous had not this sentiment shown the goodness of their children, but that in truth they loved me more than they loved them, their own mothers.
Diary of 31 March 1839, O.W. XX
“My whole ambition was to consecrate myself to the service of the poor…” I would love to be able to say something like that – ‘my whole ambition …’ but I cannot. I have, like everyone else given parts of my self – but my whole self? My job would get in the way, my feelings would get in the way, my busyness would get in the way. Over the years the fire would wane but not die out completely. I have gotten better at living this service of love but it is an impossibly long way from ‘perfect’. And in-spite of that I look at the riches that God has poured out and filled my life with. To be able to love – that is everything! To be able to see the colours chasing each other across the sky as dawn appears, to feel the embrace of quiet and peace as the snow falls and everything slows down, to listen to the music of a symphony at a concert, to see the smile of another as we greet each other, to receive a hug, to be able to offer support, gratitude, solace, comfort.
It may not be ‘perfect’ if measured against any others in life but it surely is wonderful and awesome. To be given a heart, to have it filled, and refilled, and refilled – I think God has blessed me beyond compare and for no other reason I want to sing “Joy to the world…”